Mystic River, Vagina Flumine

“Hippo on the left”, said my guide Kaley.

We were in canoes, paddling gently down the wild and ancient Kafue River in deepest Zambia. Kaley and I in one canoe; my friend and colleague Sally and her guide in another. 

The Kafue is big and long and flows for nearly a thousand kilometres through Zambia before joining the Zambezi River in Zimbabwe. 

She – this river is definitely a she – is the lifeblood of the Kafue National Park, Zambia’s oldest and biggest.  And very far flung. It took us an hour and a half by air charter, an hour and half by road in a 4x4 and fifteen minutes by boat to get to the remote Kaingu Lodge from Lusaka. A soul spot. Deep soul. 

Now here we were, vulnerable little humans, paddling her ancient waters, trying to hug the banks, dodge the boulders, avoid the hippos. After a bit of initial canoeing in circles, you know, trying to sync paddling and steering.

“Hippo on the left”, said Kaley again, and then: “No that’s not a hippo. Come, paddle faster, let’s go see”, and we paddled furiously towards this scene…

A young male puku – think chunky version of our impala – leapt into the river on the left and started swimming. A massive crocodile leapt into the river from the right and in a few powerful strokes and one mighty snap of the jaws caught the puku and dragged it under.

Snap.

A wriggle and some splashing. Some bubbles.

We canoed over the bubbles.  Kaley and I had a moment of being mutually startled by the life and death scene we had just witnessed, aware that we just happened to be there and see a moment that existed outside of our humanity. "I feel sad for the puku", I said to Kaley, who said the puku must have been chased into the water by a predator, perhaps a lion or a cheetah. I felt happy for the croc though, so prehistorically reptilian-crocodilian, soon to be tummy-full.

And when I looked back, the She River had closed over again. Croc one; puku nought; life moves on, birth, death, life, flow...

Vagina flumine. Flowing vagina.That’s what an old friend commented on this photograph I posted this pic of the Kafue River recently; the metaphor of river as erotic, female, primal, flowing, cyclical. Birth, life, death. It got me thinking about my old friend Thecla and it got me thinking about river porn (snuff in this case) and the wild wet mysterious place I had just been. 

Latitude with attitude

This is one of a series of images that greeted me when I walked into Latitude 15, a hip hotel in the Zambian capital of Lusaka. Insouciant if not downright subversive, these images were taken by Zambian-based French photographer Francois d’Elbee as part of a calendar produced by the hotel. I wanted to applaud, salute, break into song or do a little jig of joy. At last, style with content. A hotel that gives the middle finger to dull décor, regulation-issue melamine, old-fashioned hospitality attitudes and the homophobia so often sadly associated with Africa. Sigh. The Ministry of Fabulousness found its soul home. 

Love this x

Everything from the architecture to the appetizers is a distillate of Zambian homegrown with an international twist. Along with the delightful calendar series, there are paintings and photographs by Zambian and South African artists, like Greg du Toit and Dave Ballam. Dyed ostrich feather hats line the corridors, the lounge features eclectic furniture and fireplaces, stylised wooden benches, recycled glass chandeliers, wooden doors turned into coffee tables. The bedrooms are spacious and sumptuous with privacy and connectivity, never mind the mini bar. Oh bliss.

“Latitude 15 was designed for travellers by travellers”, says James Lightfoot, one of the directors of the Latitude group. “And artwork is one of our defining concepts”. They saw a gap in the market for hip and happening boutique hotels in Africa, he says, and first started Latitude 13 in Lilongwe, then Latitude 15 in Lusaka; both renovated houses resplendent with funky décor and dynamic, spirited hospitality. “The brand”, he says, “is all about social engagement and meeting people”. They also own Kaya Mawa on Likoma Island in the north east of Lake Malawi, one of the sexiest places I have ever visited. And the group has bought properties in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia and Nairobi in Kenya. 

Kaya Mawa, Malawi 

There’s a frenzy of building activity next door to Latitude 15 where the hotel is shortly opening a club called The Other Side, which is a first for Lusaka – a collaborative and dedicated office space offering pods with hot desking and bean bagging, similar to Soho Works in London, or We Work in New York. The idea is for professionals, entrepreneurs and freelancers to be able to work in a private club with high speed Wi-Fi, healthy food and spa and gym facilities.

That's me in the wedding dress 

I wasn’t in the mood for work however. I just wanted to hang out in the lounge and bar, watch the people meet and drink and engage. I went back into the reception to study the calendar photographs. They really are cheeky, ripping off everything from the ad industry, the Mafia and Father Xmas to colonialism and conservatism. There’s even one that has Oscar Pistorius’ blades sticking out of a bathroom door as a Reeva lookalike lies happily in bed reading and the chamber maid cleans up the blood. Oh yes, this is latitude with attitude. Bring it on.

 

Subversive photographs by Francois d'Elbee