Travels with a giant pencil

We kick start our adventures by setting out for the Lowveld Book Festival in White River in Mpumalanga. I drive, obviously, but we are delayed by an hour long traffic jam on the N12 trying to leave Jozi. At least this means the service delivery protests blocking the N4 near eMalahleni are cleared by the time we get there. Eventually we are happily barreling down the glorious Schoemanskloof Pass towards Mbombela. www.lowveldbookfestival.co.za

Love at first write In my eternal quest for the perfect travel companion, I come across Pencil in Port Elizabeth of all places. “I’m portable, wacky and most appropriate for a writer”, he chirps from next to the other giant pencils on this curio stand in a market in the Boardwalk hub. “I’m also cheap, take that the way you want to”. Pencil slips happily into my bespoke Barok handbag made by the fabulous Merle Payne. www.suninternational.com/boardwalk/

Pencil this in We meet the charming festival director Louis van der Merwe. “The Lowveld Book Festival is in its second year”, he tells us, “the numbers are up, interest has been piqued”. We pose in front of the lovely ticky creeper in the Casterbridge Centre where the festival is held. The festival focuses on South African literature but with a Lowveld twist. Or Slowveld as we say around these parts. www.lowveldbookfestival.co.za

Pencils do read Pencil and I check out all the fun of the fair. There are panel discussions, author interviews, talks and workshops held in three different venues in the Casterbridge Centre. The centre itself has a Barnyard Theatre, various designer shops, lovely restaurants, bistros, coffee shops and watering holes. And book stalls. We meet Suzanne Tourner from White River Book Dealers. Pencil digs her book stand – collectibles and Africana. www.facebook.com/readbooks.behappy/

Some lead in my pencil We get thirsty when we see the next stand is Porcupine Ridge. "The wine is free", says the lovely Sue who has the unenviable task of controlling the bottles. I know this well. I went to the Kingsmead Book Fair and the Franschhoek Literary Festival earlier this year, both were awash with wine from our sponsors Porcupine Ridge. But I didn't know that the label was drawn by the late artist Zakkie Eloff of White River?  www.boekenhoutskloof.co.za 

Pencil does a panel Oh my goodness, Pencil and I remember I am also a writer and we rush to participate in a panel. It’s called Roads and Stories. We pose for a photo op alongside Fikile Hlatswayo, author of the hilarious and subversive Blacks do Caravan; and the sexy Adam Cruise who has written up his fabulous adventures in and out of the Kalahari in King Solomon the Showman.  We are in conversation with Nicky Manson, editor of Lowveld Living who lets us all tell our very different stories. www.lowveldbookfestival.co.za

Pencil makes friends There are lots of artists, writers, poets, musicians and other shysters in the Slowveld. I connect with some of them for dinner. This bunch are from Hoedspruit and are delighted to meet Pencil. The feeling is entirely mutual. From left is Karin Mitchell, former investigative journalist turned writer who is about to blow us all away with her first book - watch this space; myself, Pencil, Liam Patrick McKay, an Irish-Australian former journalist turned anti-rhino poacher extraordinaire, and his fabulous partner Laura Matter, a teacher and intellectual from California. We laugh and drink and talk. ww.hoedspruit.co.za

Mightier than the sword Pencil proves to be a big hit with the people of the Lowveld Book Festival. Everyone wants to hold him and make a joke. The pencil is mightier than the sword is a good one. Sharp sharp. We sign some books and even some menus and napkins and meet lovely new people. www.lowveldbookfestival.co.za

Pencil wanna party! There are so many other fabulous folk at the Lowveld Book festival. We meet poets Athol Williams and Thlookomelo Mashile, we bump into radio personalities Gareth Cliff and Sam Cowan, we say hi to authors Mario Cesare and Tony Park; we meet investigative journo Sizwe Yende who chronicles corruption and assassination in Mpumalanga; we believe the fifth Mrs Andre Brink is here then we bump into Tracy McDonald ex Penguin Books and then Cheryl Arthur who is a fashion designer and things go a bit blurry. Pencil ends up drunk and naked. www.mtpa.co.za

Sleepy pencil Next morning Pencil and I are tired but happy. “Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience", he says quoting author GK Chesterton, "if only one had a coloured pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling”. “In spite of everything I shall rise again,” I reply, quoting artist Vincent van Gogh: “I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on”. www.brainyquotes.com

A few lovely dogs I met on my travels

What’s for breakfast? We’re just sitting down to a long, lazy beach side breakfast, when this curly tailed guy comes trotting along to see what’s on today’s menu. We’re at Villa n Banga, a laid back rustic spot tucked into jungle greenery right on the beach at the far end of Nyabanga village, about 20km from Bilene in southern Mozambique. I’m pretty sure he went for the peixe grelhada and frangos. Villa n Banga has spacious tents, a fabulous outdoor bar and restaurant with first class island-style kitsch. www.villanbanga.co.za

Miro from Pleasure Bay Miro the archetypal insatiable Duracell Jack Russell joins us on a sunrise walk along the beach at Pleasure Bay, near Paindane in southern Mozambique. He chases the waves, he swims, he frolics, he body surfs, he digs the sand, he chases seagulls, he pees on flotsam and jetsam, he greets the fishermen – and that’s just in the first five seconds. As we return, exhausted, hours later, Mira dashes excitedly off with the next lot of beach goers. Pleasure Bay has lovely self-catering chalets and if you really want to escape Miro go diving and check out the famous Manta Reef and Lighthouse Reef sites. www.pleasurebay.net

Say cheese, actually don't worry, just lie there Pedro lies in a sunbeam in a near comatose state of bliss at the lovely Klein Rivier Cheese place in Stanford, near Hermanus in the Western Cape. He and his brother Pancho just love their life on this beautiful farm. Almost as much as they love the cheese here which is made using age-old artisanal methods. Locally sourced, pasture fed cows, no hormones or antibiotics. Mmmm. I spend a very happy day here drinking wine, nibbling on delicious cheeses and admiring Pedro and Pancho's attitude. www.kleinrivercheese.co.za

Chocolate box cuties Both rescue dogs, Missy and Django, now live it up in total paradise on a glorious organic farm on the outskirts of Haenertsburg village in Limpopo province. Their mother is the lovely Marloe Scott-Wilson who rescues everything. Missy and Django share their paradise with other dogs, cats and two horses. Sometimes there's even room for Marloe's husband! The village of Hanertsburg and the surrounding Magoebaskloof has many dog friendly spots. www.mountaingetaways.co.za

Jock of the Bushveld Every time I visit Barberton in Mpumalanga, I go and say howzit to Jock of the Bushveld, one of the Lowveld's most famous four footers. His story is told in the classic Jock of the Bushveld by James Percy Fitzpatrick. It's the true story of his bush adventures with his Staffie, Jock, during the 1880s, when Fitzpatrick worked as a storeman, prospector's assistant, journalist and ox-wagon transport rider. It's a violent book. Jock does a lot of fighting and killing. It's also sad 'cos he gets run over in the end. But hey, Barberton is a cool place and there's loads of bars. www.barberton.co.za

Do they know it’s Krismas? I just love Krismas, this complete gentleman of a hound who looks after my lovely cousin Vanessa. They live in Port Alfred in the Eastern Cape. Vanessa is famous for her daily sunrise shots on East Beach and so we get up at dawn and walk with Krismas. It’s winter and fah-reezing. But Krismas is happy. We jump and get our paws wet. Port Alfred is the friendly heart of the Sunshine Coast, famed for its wide, clean beaches and warm Indian Ocean waters. There are gorgeous self-catering beach cottages up and down this coast. www.sunshinecoasttourism.co.za

Finally I meet the famous white wire fox terrier Snowy, Tintin's faithful hound - and would you believe, it's in the middle of Khao Sok National Park, deep in the jungles of Thailand? Khao Sok is like the Amazon of Thailand. Think dense virgin jungle and surreal limestone formations, a deep lake and exotic flowers. But Tintin won't let Snowy come walking with me. www.khaosok.com

The Rockster This is Rocky. He is in his favourite place - on the lap of his mother Nina van Heerden, the creative brains behind the amazingly beautiful Sequoia Garden Retreat in Magoebaskloof. Go now for their spring spectacle as the azaleas and cherry trees burst in blossom. www.sequoiastay.com

The beast from the east Two Pack lives in Cradock in the Eastern Cape but we meet briefly this time in Port Alfred. He’s a travelling hound on the road with his owners Chris and Julie Marais. They are storytellers extraordinaire, bringing us tales of the Karoo in their books and wonderful website. I walk one wintry morning in Cradock with Two Pack and then he comes and watches me bath. www.karoospace.co.za  

Loving the licks If I remember correctly, this delightful hound gatecrashed our beach party at Praia de Peixe, a fabulous getaway in Macaneta, a short hop from Maputo. With the Indian Ocean on one side and the Incomati River on the other, the Macaneta peninsula is the charmer of Mozambique’s Maputo province. Think white sands, blue waters, friendly people and a laidback island vibe. And friendly dogs. www.praiadepeixe.com

Ten Rural Bars You've Probably Never Been To

Ruby Tuesday I order a Tipo Tinto, meaning island spirit, the local rum, and fall hopelessly in love with this quirky, unpretentious bar at Ruby’s Backpackers on the far flung island of Ilha de Moҫambique some 2000 km north of the Mozambican capital of Maputo. It's tucked into the heart of Stone Town on this historic island which was settled in the 8th century and is now a UNESCO World Heritage Site because of its amazing coral rock buildings and architecture. What a powerful sense of history.   www.facebook.com/pg/RubyBackpackers/about/ 

Happy mercado You must pay for the cold Dosh Em (fabulous signature Mozambican beer) but the ukulele tunes are free at this small baracas in the mercado in Bilene, southern Mozambique. Bilene is a happy, shabby lagoon 'n seaside town an hour plus from Maputo. I don’t know why, but I just love this mercado so. It makes me want to laugh and drink rum, sing songs, slap my thigh. It's a warren of stalls selling food and drink and stuff. People gather here to haggle, trade, gossip, drink beer, watch soccer and sell just about anything from cashew nuts to cell phone covers. www.mozambiquetourism.co.za

Name of the game The Hang Over Bottle Store and its adjoining beer garden is a fabulous place to have a few G&Ts if you happen to find yourself in the middle of the market in Likoma Island in north eastern Malawi. Which I do. The island is charming and lapped by the waters of Lake Malawi, lake of stars. The Malawian gin - Waragi - is clear and strong. And Likoma Island is a great address. To its north is Tanzania, to its west Mozambique, east, Zambia, and all around, Malawi. ww.malawitourism.com

And Englishmen Even though my ship has still not come in, I always love coming to this bar with its neon sign and beautiful wooden counter at Mad Dogs Café near Hoedspruit. In my years of travelling between Limpopo and Maputo, I stopped here often, either for an early coffee or a late afternoon vino depending on whether I'd come down or up the escarpment through the Strijdom Tunnels above the Olifants River. This is a classic traveller's pit stop. www.bluecottages.co.za

High on beer This is Colin Ntshangase, a cricket loving Zulu and the brew master at Hops Hollow which is at the top of the Long Tom Pass in Mpumalanga. Colin recommends the Mac’s Porter ale which he tells me he formulated with women in mind. He says it has a “malty creamy fullness, smooth as silk”. Hops Hollow, outside Mashishing, claims to be the highest brewery in Africa - it’s 2150m above sea level. www.hopshollow.co.za

Wild horse grooves We day trippers beat a steady path up the steep pass to the eccentric misty village of Kaapsehoop in the mountains outside Mbombela. The Bohemian Groove Café is the soul spot here. Kaapsehoop was once a gold rush town - for about ten minutes -  and today is famed for its wild horses and lovely walks, as well as a cast of interesting local characters, bistros, bars and fabulous people. www.bohemiangroovecafe.co.za

Change your relaxing style We take the road to Vutuwangadzebu, deep in the heart of Vhembe district in Limpopo, and end up high in the rural villages apparently very far away from everything. So it’s completely fabulous to find a cold beer and some surprised looking locals at the Speakeasy Entertainment Hub. Don’t change your lifestyle said the billboard outside, change your relaxing style. Yebo yes. www.nightjartravel.com

Ten green bottles I am very impressed by the wall of green Jagermeister bottles that forms the display at Biker’s Rest bar in Graskop, on the Panorama Route in Mpumalanga. In case you didn't know, Jagermeister is a digestif made with 56 different herbs. And this is a real biker spot, like pub and grub like, with flags and paraphernalia and stuff so don't expect craft gin or canapes.

Another roadside attraction The crazy Toeka se Dae is on the R516 to Bela Bela, off the N1 to Limpopo. The décor is wacky - corrugated iron walls, road signs turned into tables, a bright orange Shooter Bar. I have a tequila. The waitress' name is Bella from Bela Bela. She had another late night she said and recommended the freshly baked bread from the deli. www.toekasedae.co.za

  

I know I had a beer here once because I took this picture. It was en route Carolina or Piet Retief or somewhere in the wetlands regions on Mpumalanga, details sketchy. I love this mural on the walls of the Kuyawiso Tavern. I am also struck by the similarity in style to the mural below which is from a bar in northern Malawi. 

Life, art, good taste

I encounter a diversity of aesthetics in recent travels to Polokwane and Port Elizabeth, unlikely bedfellows; with some Zambia thrown in. My journey takes me in and out of Art Deco, Rococo-meets-Boere-Baroque, modern Zen Bush Chic and Hip with an African Twist. As tenderness is the grace of the heart, they say, style is the grace of the mind. Here are some of the highlights:  

Art and Life I never want to leave this place. The hippest hotel in Mandela Bay - No 5 Boutique Art Hotel in Port Elizabeth’s Summerstrand. Think luxury Art Deco designed to feel like a salon privé from those heady days in Paris in the 20s, with a Champagne Bar, period furniture and glassware, a piano, cocktails. Except you’re in PE bru, and there’s a beach within walking distance, even better, there’s a bar right next to the pool. And – faints with delight – the most fabulous collection of South African art including works by William Kentridge, Robert Hodgins, Sam Nhlengethwa and Henk Serfontein.www.no5boutiquehotel.com

Hot Desks, Good Art This fabulous photograph by Zambian-based French photographer Francois d’Elbee hangs in the main lounge of The Works, a new business space that’s part of Latitude 15 in the Zambian capital Lusaka. The Works is a first for Lusaka – a collaborative and dedicated office space offering pods with hot desking and bean bagging, similar to Soho Works in London, or We Work in New York. www.latitudehotels.com

Rembrandt Comes to Polokwane  These gold framed portraits by the famous Dutch painter Rembrandt look down from the walls of Saskia's Restaurant (named after the artist's wife and muse,) which will soon be filled with the contented chatter of the black diamonds who so love this place. They're fake paintings, I may add, not that that puts anyone off the Fusion Boutique Hotel, undoubtedly Polokwane's most luxurious, and in parts, outlandish. Try the Hollywood or Bollywood suites if you’re feeling fanciful.www.fusionhotel.co.za.

Zen Bush Chic Deliciosa I love the simplicity and modernity of the tents at King Lewanika Lodge all the way out in the Liuwa Plains National Park in western Zambia. My intrepid compatriot Sally Young and I are the only guests in camp for three days. It's a real tough job but we feel we must do it. Designed by South African architects Silvio Rech and Lesley Carstens, this is my Soul Space of the year so far. www.timeandtideafrica.com

Nautical Kitsch Pool I confess that I fall in love this with this pool at the Boardwalk Hotel in Port Elizabeth. It’s so determinedly old fashioned, so nautically kitsch, it could be straight out of a colonial yacht club. The Boardwalk is a big, busy hotel right in the middle of the beachfront hub, with lovely views of the Indian Ocean. www.suninternational.com/boardwalk/

So Long Ethno Bongo Loving the clean Swedish lines and cool colours at the Park Inn by Radisson Polokwane of all places. A gal gets tired of all the ersatz animal prints, wooden carvings and horns. I trawl around Polokwane, there are more trendy place than I realize, although many decorating atrocities continue to be committed in the name of the province’s signature safari style. www.parkinn.com/hotel-polokwane

My Eight Best Things about Jozi

The Ministry of Fabulousness has been back in Jozi for five months now. Eish. What a change from life in rural Limpopo. Jozi is crazy, busy, wild, creative, intense, unforgiving, edgy. It's loco, it's lulu; it is lovely if you leave it often. Here are my highlights so far:

The Roving Bantu Kitchen I fall in love with this soul space in Brixton on Caroline Street. Sifiso Ntuli and Ashley Heron have put together a creative shebeen chic space offering walking tours, dinners, jazz evenings. A place to gather and talk and drink and navigate the way forward together. www.rovingbantu.co.za

The urban views No, we’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. I happily take part in a wine launch with Nederburg and Sunday Times Good Life Experience on the rooftop of their new HQ in Parktown, edge Hillbrow. There are 360 degree views of the city and its iconic buildings like the Brixton and Hillbrow towers. We celebrate the wine and the sunset, the tastes and stories. Love this forest of glasses... 

The Keyes Art Mile My darling old friend Albie visits from Limpopo, so we take in the Everard Read and Circa Gallery, two of the key galleries that make up this delicious and inspiring route through the arty spots of Rosebank. We cruise the art, deciding which ones we’d buy if we had the money. We love it. Then we go for posh cocktails. www.keyesartmile.co.za

The voice of the sisters I go to the launch of Miss Behave by Malebo Sephodi at Rosebank Exclusive Books and I’m amazed at size of the crowd – yeah, black South Africans do read – and this young woman who speaks with such power and frankness about black sexuality. She decided to misbehave when she encountered historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich’s quote, ‘well-behaved women seldom make history’. www.jacana.bookslive.co.za

Walking in Emmarentia I go often with my friend Paige Holmes, my godchild Miles and their dogs Fudge and Zippy. We all love it. This picture is quiet and still but we do see other walkers, joggers, cyclists, families and plenty of happy dogs. Emmarentia feels like one of the few wide open spaces in this malkop city.

The graffiti Jozi being Jozi there are a helluva lot of walls, and mercifully many of them are now graffiti clad. In some suburbs like Westdene, the neighbourhood walls have become a showcase of local spray paint talent. In Maboneng, entire buildings are turned into artworks. I prefer the rebellious ones to the acid rock ones. This is pretty Che of Putney Road in Brixton. www.rovingbantu.co.za

The walking tours I do the Roving Bantu walking tour of Brixton and Fietas, a gritty urban walk through this space that has long been politically contested. We check out historic spots in the area including Kingston Frost Park with its views, the Brixton Tower, the shebeens and people of Fietas, the Braamfontein cemetery and the grave of Enoch Sontonga who wrote our national anthem. www.rovingbantu.co.za

The Sunday vibe They say Sunday is the day when Jozi is at peace with itself. These guys were just hanging out outside a shebeen in Fietas.

The Ministry of Fabulousness: Winter warmer, Limpopo style

The Ministry of Fabulousness: Winter warmer, Limpopo style: I return to Limpopo in winter. To Magoebaskloof and to Agatha, my ancestral home. I am struck by the sheer beauty of it all. Ancient trees,...

Winter warmer, Limpopo style

I return to Limpopo in winter. To Magoebaskloof and to Agatha, my ancestral home. I am struck by the sheer beauty of it all. Ancient trees, autumn colours and golden light. And I am struck by the loving spirit of the funky new eateries and fabulous farm cafes in the area. Here are my highlights:

This gorgeous red head I am enchanted by this tree on the edge of the dam at Sequoia Garden Retreat. This once regal garden was started yonks ago by the Holloway family who planted the first sequoia trees in Magoebaskloof. Now, under new owners, Guy and Nina van Heerden, the garden has been restored, redefined and gotten all sexy again. Go in autumn for a spectacle of red and gold; go in spring for the pink and purple number. Just go. It’s beautiful.  www.sequoiastay.com

Dreamy cottage Oh Meadow Cottage you stole my heart. One of the cottages at Sequoia Garden Retreat is this soul space called Meadow Cottage. Stone and wood, it looks out over a dam and is tickled by the winter grass. In the late afternoon I walk over the dam wall and savour this reflection. Meadow Cottage is a fabulous spot for a romantic weekend, writing retreat or a frisky honeymoon.  www.sequoiastay.com

A fresh new take I spend the night at the stylish new Viewpoint Eatery and Guesthouse. The rooms are calm and spacious; the decor is funky and the food is slow, gourmet, fresh, wholesome, yummy. Ninia Knott is chief cook and bottle washer here, and she's raised the style levels of the mountain with this little charmer. Stay over or go for a meal with gracious views; the restaurant is open Wednesday to Sunday. www.facebook.com/Viewpoint-Guesthouse-and-Eatery-1801176226875735/

That Tree I haven't been back to Kingwalden for months. It was once our family home and is now a hotel. I take a long slow G&T on the veranda and gaze upon the mountains and the famous lightning tree. It's an old silver blue gum which was brought out here in 1908 by my grandfather's first wife Muriel. It was struck by lightning the night his second wife, my grandmother Elsie died. It's a very long story but I have time to talk to both of them and other spirits of the tree. www.kingswalden.co.za

Garden of my Ancestors  There is still wild poetry to be had in the Kingswalden gardens even though they are forlorn and neglected due to Circumstances. The garden keeps growing and changing and I catch the magic of my mother's hand here at the Bibigar, the dam at the edge of the garden, created for the female spirits and the cats. www.kingswalden.co.za

Sarah’s Garden Sarah steps into the sunshine to say hello. This garden was designed by my mother for Sarah Cullinan, who was my brother Brett's girlfriend and who died in 1988 at the age of 28 in a car crash. I love Sarah and I love that she always comes to say hello. www.kingswalden.co.za

The Bibigar I take this photograph on the winter solstice. Yes, this is the middle of winter in the subtropics at Kingswalden gardens. I love the pink plectranthus and the acid green sword ferns all tangled together. Frenzied calm. www.kingswalden.co.za

Golden delicious I love Mina's Art Cafe and Farm Venue in the heart of Magoebaskloof. Everyone loves Mina's. Denise and Rob Tooley have made an old farmhouse into a charming venue and playground and Mina's is an icon of the soul spirit of Magoebaskloof. Mina's does weddings, parties, neighbourhood food markets, music evenings, happy gatherings. There are three self catering cottages and a campsite,. Think simple and earthy, candle light and long rivers walks. Next door is the fabulous Zwakala Brewery. www.minas.co.za

 This is my favourite bridge, at the bottom of the Magoebaskloof, as you head towards Modjadjiskloof. Goodbye for now my ancestral province, I shan't be too long.